Married Life After Kids: Keeping the spark alive

Married life after kids is so different than pre-children. Life before kids was full of so many intimate moments between my husband and me, and it was spontaneous. I also worked before kids so life for me was completely different.

Now I’m a stay at home mom struggling to find myself again. I miss being able to get up int he morning and get dressed to go to work. I miss being able to use my mind for more than just nursery rhymes and trying to figure out why my 3-year-old hates wearing clothes or why my 6-year-old can’t. stop. talking!

Needless to say, by the end of the day, I’m exhausted! At times it feels like my marriage is more of a business partnership than a romantic relationship because we’ll talk about what happened in our day and pass out from exhaustion. It takes actual work to remind each other that we love one another and to fit in those intimate moments necessary for a marriage to work.

Romantic Getaway To Reconnect without Interruptions

After my son was born, it took a long time before I was ready to leave him. At 2, my husband and I decided we wanted to go on a trip together without my son. We loved cycling together before my son was born, and it was so difficult to do that. Married life after kids means you don’t get to do a lot of the things you love. So we decided to go to the Mount Dora Bicycle Festival.

This was such a great way for us to reconnect with each other and ourselves. I was able to relax and sleep in for the first time in 2 years. We were able to be intimate and not worry about a toddler waking up in the middle of the night and walking in on us. We were relaxed around each other just like we were when we started dating. It reminded me of all the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place.

Nine months later my daughter was born and life was now triple difficult. Now it became harder for me to leave the house because who can run through Target chasing a toddler while carrying a newborn?!?!

Date Nights Are a Necessity

The older the kids get, the more stress they seem to bring into our lives. Right now, they’re at that phase where they deeply love each other but mostly love to hate each other, so I spend more time as a referee than anything else and our relationship has become one of “what did the kids do today?”

The one thing I do always remember to do is hug and kiss him. I’ll pass by him and caress him as I’m off to put out another fire.

Date nights at this point in our relationship is a necessity so I don’t outright lose my mind! Because honestly, when the kids are asleep, the last thing on my mind is my husband. I neglect myself in so many ways throughout the day that when we are finally alone, I want to veg on some TV (right now it’s all about Jane the Virgin) or read a book. Or maybe even play some video games – something from my past life before I was married with kids.

Point is, I spend so much time neglecting myself that I end up neglecting my marriage in an attempt to feel like myself again. I have to remind myself that my husband needs to be nurtured too.

Intimacy throughout the day

The one thing I do always remember to do is hug and kiss him. I’ll pass by him and caress him as I’m off to put out another fire. I try to include little subtle ways to remind him that no matter how into life and motherhood I am, I still love him. Thankfully he’s a saint and understands, but the one thing I remind myself of on a daily basis is that this struggle we’re going through with the kids is only temporary. I just have to make sure I keep putting the necessary work into the marriage to be sure that once we do come out the other side, there is still a marriage there.

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